Donate, Save Lives

I know I haven't told y'all all about my weekend yet, and I am not sure if / when I will get to, but I want to tell you about the most important part of it. Saturday, I gave blood. I give every time I can, and I try to every 8 weeks. I have given 11 times so far. I hate getting stabbed my the needles but it is worth it to know that I am saving lives.

So please, go out & donate today!

Day 13 - A Fictional Book

Shoe Addicts Anonymous - Beth Harbison

I am currently reading this book, and no I am not addicted to shoes, or even close to it. I hate spending money too much to be! I go to the library every so often and I just grab the first girly looking book I see. This week this was it! And while I was searching to find a pic of the cover I saw it was going to be a movie this year! Yay! No doubt the book will end up better than the movie, but still! It is about four women, all with different backgrounds & all with a severe love of shoes. They get together each week and do a shoe swap. It is good so far, but while out with my mother over the weekend I accidently left it in her car! Oops!

Day 12 - Something I Am OCD About

My food. I am kind of ridiculous. I will eat just about anything except mushrooms but the way I eat itwhat is odd. I can't stand for it to touch. I can't eat food on the bone. I can't eat food that reminds me of an animals. I can't eat something I've seen in my backyard, minus chickens and pigs which we had for food. Luckily I have a very understanding husband that will de-bone my food for me and bought me divided plates. I have gotten better about touching food as long as they become separated easily without leaving any reminants behind. I know I am completely crazy, but it is who I am.

Day 11 - A Photo of Me Taken Recently

Sorry, not quite comfortable with y'all seeing all of me yet. This is from December, Night of 1,000 Candles at Brookgreen Gardens!

Day 10 - A Photo of Me Taken over 10 years ago

This is more like 20 years ago, but it fits the parameters! This is from my first trip to Disney World!

My Dad

My Dad texted me on Tuesday and asked if his darling daughter would allow him to take her out to lunch on Friday. I get off at noon on Friday and we have done this 2 or three times before, but I think this time he has an ulterior *sorry, got distracted by & was able to hold a 1 month old!* motive. We totalled up the costs for the trip to Arizona (it was going to me me, Jon, my dad and my step-mom) and for the two of us it totalled $1800! Jon & I made the decision that it was not a good idea to spend that kind of money while I had a year old car & we are trying to have a child (which they don't know about!) I know that Dad was upset to hear that and so was my brother. Dad asked if him paying for the whole rental car would help, and it would, but we want it to be under $1000.00 for the whole trip. My brother asked if it would help if he paid for the plane tickets. I know that Jon won't allow him to do this and he would be pissed off if Michael did because he doesn't want any help from my brother. I really want to go though!

I think that Dad is going to make me feel bad for not going & not spending the money. He wants me & him to go see them and leave the spouses behind. As much as I want to see my niece and nephew I want to do it with my husband. I don't want to go and see the world without him! And its not that my Dad doesn't like my husband either. He knows that Jon is perfect for me, and that he is a great man, hard worker and amazing husband to me. I just think that marriage doesn't mean the same to him as it does to me...seeing as he has been married 3 times.

My Dad & I have had a rocky relationship in the past. He hurts my feelings a lot (unintentionly I hope) and I eventually get over it, but until then I just try to ignore him. After I told him that we wouldn't be able to go to Arizona he didn't call for a while & I get stubborn and don't want to be the one to make the first move. That was the first time I heard from him since he offered to pay for the entire rental car. I don't know what to do but I can almost guarantee that I will leave lunch upset.

Does anyone else's parents give them guilt trips? How do you keep from getting sucked into them?

Day 9 - A Photo I Took

This is from Night of 1,000 Candles at Brookgreen Gardens in Myrtle Beach, SC. I volunteer for an organization called Scultpure in the South. Their mission is "to promote sculpture through education and through the creation of a permanent sculpture collection that enhances Summerville, South Carolina's public spaces." My mother, husband, and I get together each year for their annual show & sale and prepare and serve all the food for the volunteers, artists and guests. We really enjoy this time each year. We go to several meetings throughout the year and have come to know the organizers and volunteers quite well.

Each year they get together for a trip to Myrtle Beach (about 1 1/2 hour drive) and rent a charter bus and go as a group. This year my mother and I joined them. It was a blast! The ride up there we all got to chat. When we arrived they had a buffet dinner waiting (shrimp & grits...mmm...) and then we had about two hours to walk around. This place is amazing. I have been there about five times and I doubt that I have seen everything! If you plan to come down south make sure you make a trip out there, especially if it is during the holiday season!

Day 8 - A Photo That Makes Me Angry/Sad

This photo definately falls into that category. It is of me when I was down to 135. I loved the way I looked then. I have lost 4 pounds so far, but I feel so far away from who I was then. 36.4 pounds to go. That seems like so much to me. I have done so well so far though, excusing my ice cream cone last night! :) I always seem to have great intentions, but you all know the saying...

Day 7 - A Photo That Makes Me Happy

This picture makes me happy, because I can reminisce about the times that they were here. This is my niece, Julie and my nephew, Sean. They were both born in Hawaii and I had only met Sean one time before this, when he was six months old. When Sean had just turned 2 and right before Julie turned 1 their mother was deployed to Iraq. For that year my brother moved to Charleston to be around family and so that we could help with them. They moved here in August of 2009. In January 2010 I was laid off and decided to finish my degree and go to school full time. I was with them 24/7, many times leaving after they fell asleep and getting there before they woke up. I love them. In June of 2010 their mother was coming back and they were being stationed in Arizona so they all left to get things set up for their mother. I cannot wait to see them again.

We are hoping to take a trip to Arizona in April, but with planning for a baby we aren't sure if we are going to be able to spare the money. Either way I miss them and I love looking at pictures of the fun we had!

Cycle #3, CD2

Today is CD2. Yesterday AF showed up, I expected her, but it still wasn't fun. Luckily the cramping didn't start until last night once I was home so I wasn't in pain at the in-laws. We will keep trying until we have success, but I just want to stop worrying about it. Not take a test until after AF is late. Be a normal, non-compulsive person about it.

I am also going to get back into trying to lose this weight again. I was 175 this morning. I won't be able to diet once I am pregnant, so I need to do it now! I am going to get back on SparkPeople and really give it a go. Last time I gave it a go I went from 226 to 135, so I know it is possible, it just takes discipline. So my goal is discipline. I am going to eat 3/4 cup of cereal & 1/2 cup skim milk now. Wish me luck!

Day 6 - 20 of My Favorite Things

I am not really a "thing" person, so this is hard, but here goes:

1. My USC Tervis Tumbler
2. My 1998 Toyota Corolla
3. Deer Park Bottled Water (I know this is terrible & bad for the environment, but I am SOOO addicted to bottled water!)
4. My budget
5. Quicken Personal Finance Software
6. Publix Grocery Stores
7. My LG Ally (I think I would die without this!)
8. My Straub Beer Hoodie (My husband's cousin works for this company & gave me this hoodie. I wear it almost constantly, it is perfect for lounging & great advertising for them!)
9. Pilot G2 Pens
10. The Coastal Carolina Fair
11. Moe's $5 Monday's
12. UTZ Honey Roasted Sesame Chips
13. Magestic Oak Trees
14. My Dyson Vacuum
15. Ice cream cones
16. Flip-flops: Any kind, any time. I am a Carolina Girl, after all!
17. Camping. Only March - September, otherwise I am too cold, but I LOVE THIS!
18. Floating down the Edisto River with good drinks & good friends.
19. My Local Library
20. SAVING MONEY!

Cycle #2 Draws to its end

My temp dropped WAYYY down today. I am sure that this cycle is nearing its end. I had a good cry on my husbands shoulder this morning, but I should be okay. I guess I just hoped it would happen quickly. So did he. This gives us more time to be prepared though, I guess. We have to look at the positives. At least I am temping so that when AF shows she won't be such a suprise. I am sad, but I will make it through. Onward to another cycle!

Day 5 - My Favorite Quote

"YOU COME TO LOVE NOT BY FINDING THE PERFECT PERSON, BUT BY SEEING AN IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY" -SAM KEEN

I think that this is the perfect quote for me. My mom used to ask me if her hair looked bad or if her clothes did. She quickly learned not to do that because I always said yes. I didn't say yes because I didn't care or because I was lying to make her feel good. It is because to me, the people I love are always beautiful. I have always said that I see them with "rose-colored glasses". I love them, therefore I love them no matter what and looks or anything else doesn't matter.

Day 4 - My Favorite Book

THE CONFESSION - JOHN GRISHAM

I love all of John Grisham's books, so I will just choose the one I have most recently read. This is his latest book, and it made me really think about the death penalty. I have always been for it but to know that cases like this actually happen is sickening. I love how when he rights you feel like you are right there, in the moment with him. I am with books as I am with movies, I can't stand to read them over and over therefore the library is my best friend, but I own all of John Grisham's books. I can read them over and over and pick up new things each time. He is, in my opinion, the best writer of our time and I feel blessed that I live in his era.

Day 3 - My Favorite Television Program

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

I am absolutely obsessed with this show right now! I want to know who A is, what the deal with Ian and Noel is and what are Aria & Ezra are going to do! The suspense is killing me and I still have Monday's on my DVR.

Cycle #2 BFN #2

Another BFN. I don't know why I do this to myself. I say that I have reasons for testing early...today's was "so I can make a doctor's appointment." Like they could take me today anyway. Like 3 days would make a difference. I know, even as I type this, I am going to take another one on Sunday, "so we can tell our families." I know this is crap. I just want to take another one. If I had them at the house I would have taken another when I woke up. My boobs hurt so bad & are so big that if I am not pregnant I may need to get them looked at. I am still, probably stupidly, fully expecting that BFP. If I don't get it I am sure I will survive, but I don't want to even think of that as an option. I don't know if I can do another month (or several) of this. The people that do are far stronger than I ever even thought of being. Please KYFX for my BFP, if not Sunday, then some time this cycle!

Day 2 - My Favorite Movie

GREASE

This one took quite a bit of time to come up with, mainly because I am just NOT a movie person. The idea of sitting, and not doing anything else for 1.5 - 2 hours is TORTURE! I either fall asleep or feel like I should be doing something else! And I almost never watch a movie twice so I can't just think of the movie that I watch more than anything else!

So I texted my husband. He was no help whatsoever. His response "I donno, y?" Ugh. So I called my oldest friend (oldest friendship, not oldest person!) and of course she knew! She knows me better than I know myself! Grease! Of course! I could watch this movie a million times over & still be completely happy watching it again! The songs! The dancing! The time period! I love it all! As a matter of fact, it has been entirely too long since I have seen it!

Day 1 - My Favorite Song

BUILD ME UP BUTTERCUP

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down)and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)
I run to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
{fade

This one was so easy for me! I don't have many favorites but this has been my favorite song since middle school!! I was lucky enough to actually have them come play at my wedding too! My dad met the lead singer about two years before I got married and had already made plans with them to play at my wedding whenever I determined that would be! The attached picture is from my wedding!

30 Day Blog Journal

Because I want to start posting more about my life and not just testing and stats and such, I stole this from The Domestic Princess! If you go to her site, plan to be there a while! Quite addictive! She didn't complete it, but I have high hopes for me (ha!)

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where I live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - my worst habit
Day 28 - whats in my handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

Here goes nothing!

Crisis Ministries

Last night Jon & I went down to Crisis Ministries, our local shelter with our church, Dorchester Presbyterian. We brought dinner as well as food for the next breakfast and served the men's shelter. We fed about 70 men. It was humbling, to say the least. It puts our problems into perspective: no, we may not have everything that we want, but all of our problems are minute compared to what other people are going through. I was able to tour the women & children's side of the shelter as well. I love that there are places to go for people that have no other options but I wish there simply weren't people with these problems. I hate that our entitlement programs through the government are abused. These are the people that need help but we don't have the resources to care for them because there are so many other people that are taking help they don't need. We will surely be going back soon to give more of what we have (time) to people that need us.

Cycle #2 BFN #1

I took a pregnancy test at 2am this morning. I was only 7/8DPO so I realize that it was entirely too early. It was a clear and definate negative. Even though I shouldn't be I am quite unhappy about it. Even though my body is still saying that I am, my mind is telling me that I am out for the count for this month. I will take another on Friday so that I can call the doc and possibly schedule an appointment if it is positive. If it is negative I will take another Sunday because we will probably want to tell everyone and if still not then I will just wait until after I miss my period.

7DPO Symptoms

Since so many women with children post what their children should be doing at certain ages vs. what they are doing I decided I would kinda do the same...but in symptoms.

I searched for women between 21 & 25 who have been ttc between 0 & 3 months and who BDed on the same days as us. These are the symptoms I found & how they correlate to what I am feeling:

Tender Breasts: Kinda but not all the time
Cramps: Yes, in my lower abdomen
Fatigue: Not really, not yet anyway!
Irritability: I don't think so!
Backache: Not yet!
Skin Break-out: Nope
Bloating: I don't think so, but not really sure about this one
Sleep Deprived: Nope, slept for 10 hours last night!
Gassy: Not so far, but I sure have been!
Headache: Not too much
Increased sex drive: Nah
Frequent Urination: Nah

Okay, I'm done with this. There are just too many symptoms that people have at 7DPO. I am still very hopeful for this cycle & I will test on Thursday. My goal for the day is to not get back on BBC, FF, or blogspot for the rest of the day! Wish me luck!

5K

I am running a 5K today at the Charleston Marathon. Okay really, I am walk / running it because I haven't even tried to run since my last 5K on Thanksgiving (Turkey Day Run & Gobble Wobble). I fractured a bone in my ankle and I haven't wanted to risk it. I know not to work entirely too hard because I don't want to heat my body up and boil my maybe-baby. Oh yeah...that is the current name for the group of cells that is possibly inside of me and ready to implant.
I am running the 5K with my mom. Since she doesn't know that we are TTC it should be easy to keep my mind off of it. Then this afternoon we are headed to Jon's parents to watch the STEELERS beat up on the Ravens. They don't know either so it should be easy. But tomorrow...well, tomorrow will be hard. We don't have any plans other than church.
I wish it wasn't go doggone cold outside because we could go to the beach or float down the river or something. Not this staying inside all day. Maybe I will suggest a movie...who knows?
Until next time...keep your fingers crossed for me!

Crazy

I am only 4dpo. I know I am pregnant. Scratch that. I know there is a better chance of me being completely loony than actually knowing I am pregnant right now. But still...I just know.
I know there have to be more of y'all out there that are completely neurotic like me that analyze and over-analyze everything until you feel like you are mad. Every time my body does ANYTHING I have Google up and BBC up and I am trying to figure out if it means what I hope it means.
The logical side of me knows that what I am feeling is progesterone and I am just not used to it because I was on birth control so long that I forgot what the post-ovulatory part of my cycle feels like. But the crazy neurotic side is driving me mad. What do the rest of y'all do to overcome this feeling of craziness...I know that if I keep it up and AF does come I will be in a world of hurt.
I guess this is just hard because I have been married four years and have wanted a child even longer than that and we have finally decided that it is time. I just want it to happen now.

My Boss

My boss is being so weird. I haven't told him or anyone at my work that we are TTC, but he has mentioned us being pregnant several times. One time I said I was hot & he said "you must be ovulating". I kind of laughed it off. Then today he brought in a gallon jar of pickles & said "I brought these in for you in case you turn up pregnant or something, because I know thats why you went home early yesterday" I don't get it! He & his wife TTCed for years and maybe he is just keen on that vibe or something...or he is going through my stuff. I am not sure which. He is not upset or anything, and I think, for some reason, that he wants us to have a kid. I sure want it, but it is just strange for him to. I don't know, but hopefully it is a sign!

Holy O Batman!

Welp, pretty sure I O'ed! .9 degree spike! See previous post for link, but seriously! It is gorgeous! Bd'ed everyday before & up until O so we def did everything right! So now I am 1DPO and in the dreaded 2ww. Yuk!

Temperature Dip

My temperature showed a dip today! And a good one too! Down to 97.1 degrees. I read online that women that see that dip are fortunate because it makes timing even easier! I read at one.site that the dip is on the day of ovulation and then the rise is the day after. Either way I'm not sure but we are going to BD until the day AFTER the shift! I am feeling good about this month!

EWCM

So I def. had EWCM for the first time (first time I noticed anyway) today! I am so stinkin excited because it means that I will probably ovulate on time this month & we are totally geared up for it!

My Chart

I know this is totally weird, but I am kind of proud of my body right now. My temperature has been completely normal which gives me all kind of hope that when I "O" I will know! Feel free to stalk my chart!
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/mycharlestonbabyblog
Last night was nice. I took a nice long bath while my husband watched a show I don't like. After the bath it was bed time but we had some apple crumb cake in the fridge. I put that in the microwave and went into the bedroom for a minute. As soon as my hubby came in I could tell he wanted to BD. It was so spur of the moment because lately we have been BDing so much that he doesn't even ask anymore, knowing that it is coming! All during he kept saying how easily he was sliding in and how nice it was. I didn't want to kill the mood so I told him afterwards that it was so nice because I was "probably fertile" and had fertile CM! My fertile days weren't supposed to start until today, but I guess I was somewhat last night! It was just so nice to BD on a day unplanned by me!

CD9

I know it has been a while since my last post, but that is because I am kind of in a period of time where nothing is happening. Don't get me wrong, you kind of need this time after the stress & anxiety of the 2ww, but there just isn't much to post about. DH & I are trying to BD every 3 days, even though we know there isn't much of a chance right now. Starting Friday (maybe Thursday if I'm feeling frisky :)) we will be BDing every day!

I have high hopes about this cycle. I started taking my BBT day 1 of this cycle, and so far it hasn't varied much, staying around 97.5. Honestly, it is just one more thing to read too far into and obsess about, but it will make the 2ww this time more interesting at least!

We aren't really telling anyone that we are trying to get pregnant yet because we don't want everyone asking every month if we are yet. DH told me though, that I didn't have to lie about it. The first fertile weekend we went to see my best friend in NC and we were at a bar but I wasn't drinking. She asked if we were trying to get pregnant. So then she knew. Another friend wanted me to go visit her in MD while I was on Christmas break from work. I told her I wasn't sure because Jon & I were working on something. She then asked if we were trying to get pregnant. She she knows. And then we were at a party for New Years and I was talking to my friends mom (who is like a mother / friend to me) and I just told her! Aack! I felt so guilty afterwards, but I really just want to scream it from the rooftops!

We were going to travel to AZ in April to see my brother, his wife and their two children, but after doing the math it ended up that it was going to cost us $1,800. DH & I made the decision (after lots of tears on my end) to not go. It just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money while we are trying to have a child! That is a month that I don't have to work. It is the entire bedroom set & probably everything else we need too. I had intended that we would use our tax return to pay for part of the trip but that would be better served for baby too. It was hard, but I had to send out an email to my brother that with everything going on (didn't mention trying to have a baby but did mention that they were in the future) we wouldn't be able to go. We are trying to find ways to make the trip cheaper and if we can get it down to about $1,000 (which I think is impossible) then we will still go. I really want to see my niece & nephew. 2 & 3! I love them!

That is really all that is going on in our lives right now though! Soon it will be baby making & 2ww time & that will be more exciting, but for now we just wait!