Cycle #2 BFN #2

Another BFN. I don't know why I do this to myself. I say that I have reasons for testing early...today's was "so I can make a doctor's appointment." Like they could take me today anyway. Like 3 days would make a difference. I know, even as I type this, I am going to take another one on Sunday, "so we can tell our families." I know this is crap. I just want to take another one. If I had them at the house I would have taken another when I woke up. My boobs hurt so bad & are so big that if I am not pregnant I may need to get them looked at. I am still, probably stupidly, fully expecting that BFP. If I don't get it I am sure I will survive, but I don't want to even think of that as an option. I don't know if I can do another month (or several) of this. The people that do are far stronger than I ever even thought of being. Please KYFX for my BFP, if not Sunday, then some time this cycle!